What a fucking waste of an outfit
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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