I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
