you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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