You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
