I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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