did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
