theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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