We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
