I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
