The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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