Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize