Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
