I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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