a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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