threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
