Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
