Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
