I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
