well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
