You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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