hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
