just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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