Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no, he came in my armpit
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
