My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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