Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
