What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
