please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The air was thick with penises
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
