he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
