Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
