Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
