i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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