Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize