Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my being single is dangerous.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
