Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
