My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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