the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
