Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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