I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
