Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
