My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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