I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
