so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
