And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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