i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
