Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
sarcasm needs its own font
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
