How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
