He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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