I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
