I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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