Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
