Pappa wants mamma naked
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
