it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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