You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
