Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
These tits shall not be calmed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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