hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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