hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
