I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
