my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
