I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
