the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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