forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
