I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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