i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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