If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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