I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
