did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Come back. Shots need mouths.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
