Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
