I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
