A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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