And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
