That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
