pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
