Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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