Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
