You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
