Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
