Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
