So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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